Quantum Relativity (Norman Costa)
Spouse arrives home: Honey, my wave function just collapsed.
Beginning of a poem: I shot an arrow into the future.
Q. Where will you be?
A. Here, there, and everywhere.
Mr. Time: What are you trying to do? You know you cannot reach the speed of light.
Mr. Velocity: Just slow down, will you.
Mr. Length: Hey! You are never going to get to the speed of light.
Mr. Velocity: Don't get short with me.
Mother and daughter speak simultaneously.
Mother: I know you took my best silk blouse to wear tonight, so put it back in my closet.
Daughter: I hate you. You are always entangling me. That's not fair.
Angry impatient Mom:
Listen Mister, I want straight answers from you. You tell me where you are going, but you do not tell who will be with you. Or else you tell me you are going out with Darnell, but you do not tell me where you are going. The most I ever get from you is a vague idea of where you are going and a vague idea who is going with you.
I cannot be in two places at the same time.
Liar, I know you can.
Q. Come on, tell me. I'd like to know. Are we going to have sex tonight or are you going to have another head ache?
A. I really do not know. You will know, tonight, when you open the door to our bedroom.
Photon, listen to me. I said go though the slot on the right. You are all over the place.
Q. What is your favorite romantic song?
A. "Chances Are," sung by Johnny Mathis.
Q. Time, what is the matter with you?
A. Oh, it is one thing after another.
Q. Time, why don't you take the weekend off?
A. I can't. Otherwise, everything happens all at once.
String theory is the best.
You have to prove it to me.
I don't have to prove it to you.
Yes, you have to.